I want to have your abortion
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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