I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
