i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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