I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
