Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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