he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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