She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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