You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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