so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
