we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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