I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
