I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
