I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
