my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
