Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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