I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
