Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
