i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
