yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
