i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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