Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
