we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
