My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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