Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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