my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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