im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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