1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
