the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
