she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
