hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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