Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
