It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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