Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just high enough for therapy.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
