hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
