After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
