I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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