At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
