btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
