the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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