How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
4 words: hood of his car
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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