Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
