He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
