im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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