I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
