I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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