Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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