So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
