i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
