You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
