Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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