It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
