never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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