you would pick up someone in the library
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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