Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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